It’s My Birthday, I Can W(h)ine if I Want to
Wednesday was my birthday, and the best thing about it was the calls, DMs, texts, FB comments, even emails! You were a lifeline, and I am so grateful.
The reality is that I am struggling hard right now with anxiety and depression. I am more or less stuck in an Andean pueblo where I don’t know anyone, really, and there aren’t any obvious ways to connect with people like in the other places I’ve been here in Colombia. So I’m pretty lonely too.
I tried my best to have a great day. I treated myself to a reflexology session and a piece of cake. I listened to the life story of a disabled street vendor. I made myself a baller dinner of gnocchi with tomato holy basil cream sauce and washed it down with a lovely boxed Chilean red.
Then I made a thank-you / current situation vid. But because I haven’t really had many conversations in English in months, I got a little chatty.. So, it was too big to upload to FB, and even to WordPress.
TL; DW
I. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to wish me a Happy Bday.. I appreciate you all so much. Each of you helped lift me and make me feel less isolated and alone.
II. Unfortunately, Shiva is unable to travel without suffering from extreme motion sickness (which is why we are currently stalled). So, we are having to return to the US much sooner than anticipated to get him accustomed (hopefully) to vehicular travel in the controlled environment of my van. Which is not yet fully-equipped: I have no power unless the van is running, and my ‘kitchen’ consists of a can stove.
I’d planned to be in South America looking for a half-time home base and living on a fraction of what life costs in the US until next spring, while fleshing out some of the projects I’ve been working on to get more financially-sustainable. Now, not only do I have to hit pause on all that, I’ll also have to pay more to fly us back with less time to buy flights.
So, for any and all of you who offered to help me get him back to the States.. now’s the time. If you’re still so inclined, any assistance will help me immensely..
Venmo: @MichelleMarkel
PayPal:
Started the Day with Attitude, Ended it with Gratitude
It’s taken me forever to get this posted, and I apologize. I feel like I’ve been moving in slow motion. I feel like I’m walking completely submerged in water, through mud. I think it’s the depression. And I also feel shame and embarrassment to be sharing all of this. I’m not at all used to being this open.
But, I committed to full authenticity and transparency when I rebooted this website. And, I believe that working with and facing my discomfort directly is an important part of my own process towards radical authenticity.
So, thank you, again, for thinking of me on my birthday.. being alone in a place where my conversational skills are roughly equivalent to that of a 7 year-old, it was hard to feel celebratory. It’s amazing how buoyed I felt by so many individual instances of contact and connection.
You made my day, and I can’t tell you how much you helped me.. THANK YOU ♥
Love, Michelle
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